The End

Sunday, March 20th was supposed to be my last day alive.

Ever since I can remember, I have been depressed and I have hated myself. How a child who doesn't understand hate could hate herself, I'm not sure, but that's been the case all my life. Over the past few months, surviving was about all I could do.
I was obsessed with suicide. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when or how. I did everything I could to destroy myself while waiting for the perfect time to end myself. A 21-year-old time bomb. I starved myself, I cut myself, I'd go without sleep, I'd go places where I knew I could get hurt. I was trying to die by a combination of methods that absolved me of any responsibility.
It all came to a head on Sunday. But things weren't ready. I had bills waiting to be paid and I didn't want to leave my family to pick up my pieces. So I decided to wait a week.
Fortunately for me, I have a couple friends that you'd probably envy. They've saved me before, but this time it was different. And without going into too much detail, I will tell you that one of my friends proved to me without a doubt that I am worth saving.
I can't really figure out how to describe it to you...it's like something snapped into place. I went from being the Ness that I had always known--a worthless piece of shit who didn't deserve to live--to somebody worth saving. I haven't tried to hurt myself once. I haven't thought about killing myself. For the first time in a really, really long time, I've been happy. And holy shit, it feels so good. It feels so good to feel like I deserve to live. It feels so fucking good to be alive.

Hang on,
Ness