Be Somebody

"With one hand high, you'll show them your progress. You'll take your time, but no one cares."

I've always felt like a bottom-of-the-barrel type of person. I've always been the last one picked, the one with nowhere to sit at lunchtime, the one nobody cared enough about to hate but nobody liked enough to leave alone when they ran out of cannon-fodder in their cliques. I don't fit in with the smart people, the hipsters, the athletes, the emos, the goths, the artsy-people, the preppy people, the happy people, the sad people, the fat people, the perfect people, or the 'normal' people. I can interact with all of them, I have chameleonism down to a science, but I don't fit and I know it. 

     The reason for this? I'm not sure. It seems like no matter what I wear or how much weight I've lost (I was a fat kid) or whether I ditch the glasses or how my makeup looks or what I do to my hair or how much I talk or don't talk or even what I say, it's still not right. Even among my own friends, I don't completely fit. Maybe everybody feels like this. 

     Anyway, the only time growing up when most people would listen to me, or talk to me, or bother to even notice me, was right after a performance. I may have been a mousy-haired nobody with glasses and braces and zits and about 4,257 extra lbs, but as soon as I opened my mouth to sing, I became SOMEBODY. And then EVERYBODY cared. 

     That's not to say that nobody ever in my entire life cared about me...my family did, and I had a few friends, and I had this one music teacher who really went out of her way to teach me all sorts of stuff, and random people in random places were all there for me too. And those people I want to thank profusely. Nothing you've done has been taken for granted. All is remembered and treasured. 

     The reason for this blog post is because I still feel like nobody. I'm still bottom-of-the-barrel and I know it. I'm still the last one picked sometimes, I'm still forgotten about sometimes. But over the years, I have become so much. I SURVIVED. I'm getting better. I'm fighting my battles instead of running away.  I have become so much more than even I thought I would, and you know what? I'm proud of that. And even if nobody cares what's going on in my little world, and even if all my friends go to the bar without me, and even if I travel across 2 states to see somebody and she spends the whole time talking to somebody else, and even if I'm the last one told when something important happens or if they forget to even tell me at all, it's ok. Because I know that somewhere in me is SOMEBODY. And whether or not anybody cares about that fact doesn't matter. I'll just sing until everybody knows it. 

     The quote at the beginning of this song is from 'My Sundown' by Jimmy Eat World. Look that song up too. 

    Also: I sang a fucking opera song in Italian. I don't even know Italian, and I've never sang opera before. Aaand I'm getting voice lessons. You all just look for me when I'm famous. 

Hang on, 
Ness