"Maybe I should cry for help...

...maybe I should kill myself. Blame it on my ADD, baby."

I fucked up.

I'm writing about it here because this blog is what I do to understand myself sometimes. I don't understand myself right now. 

Something is wrong, and I'm not sure what it is. I know I'm deeply upset, but I'm not sure why. So I did something bad. 
     It's been awhile. 

I'm not sure who to talk to anymore. I feel selfish when I go to someone else, because everyone has their own shit to deal with. And in the grand scheme of things, my first-world problems are on the minuscule and largely unimportant side of the spectrum. Right next door to having no problems at all.
     
      I don't like myself lately. I'm not as nice a person as I used to be. I'm not as happy. I know whatever it is won't last forever, that this is a phase and not a change. But it's still disconcerting and it's still very lonely. 

     I am alone. I let myself down, this time. And even if no one finds out, I know. And it is enough. 

     Hang on, 
    Ness