Sometimes, it helps to remember.
So, when I feel the need to remind myself that everything has changed and that I am getting better and that I don't need to be afraid, I look through texts my friends have sent me. Here's one of my favorites.
"The strongest materials are formed in the harshest environments and far outlast and outshine all others. You may have gone through Hell but you made it out."
Hang on,
Ness
Here's one of my favorite poems, and it's about choosing to live when there's nothing else left to choose -- then looking back later and seeing that the despair really was a victory of God's agonizing love.
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NOT, I’ll not, carrion comfort, Despair, not feast on thee;
Not untwist—slack they may be—these last strands of man
In me or, most weary, cry I can no more. I can;
Can something, hope, wish day come, not choose not to be.
But ah, but O thou terrible, why wouldst thou rude on me
Thy wring-world right foot rock? lay a lionlimb against me? scan
With darksome devouring eyes my bruisèd bones? and fan,
O in turns of tempest, me heaped there; me frantic to avoid thee and flee?
Why? That my chaff might fly; my grain lie, sheer and clear.
Nay in all that toil, that coil, since (seems) I kissed the rod,
Hand rather, my heart lo! lapped strength, stole joy, would laugh, chéer.
Cheer whom though? the hero whose heaven-handling flung me, fóot tród
Me? or me that fought him? O which one? is it each one? That night, that year
Of now done darkness I wretch lay wrestling with (my God!) my God.
(It's by Hopkins)
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