And The Greatest Of These...

...Is Love.

One of my favorite sayings goes like this: "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."

Being broken isn't easy. Healing is even harder. I have found that three things make this possible: hope, hard work, and love. 

     Hope is a huge fucking deal, and I've written about it before. Hard work is obviously a given and I'll talk about that another day. Today, we discuss love. 

     By love, I don't mean that gushy, white-picket-fence, buy-me-a-fucking-ring-already shit they like to force-feed my tv. I mean the kind that my friends had when push came to shove and I was checking out. The kind of love that fucking breaks everything into pieces like legos so you can start rebuilding. The kind of love that strips you fucking raw and leaves you on your knees, broken a thousand different ways and encountering a strange feeling called hope. The kind of love that it takes to look at the darkest side of someone, kiss her fucking scars, and be able to look her in the eye and say you're not giving up. I think to be loved like that is what we're all really looking for in life. I think that love is sacrifice, and I think that love hurts. I think that it cuts you sometimes, I think that it breaks you sometimes, I think that sometimes you don't think you want it. I sure as hell didn't want it when it interfered with my end. But in the end, it saved me. 
     
     And if I can have nothing else in my life, I want to have that kind of love. I want to find the ones like me and I want to be to them what my friends were to me. What they still are, what they always will be. I want to say, "I have been there. And this is going to hurt you. But it's for your own good and in the end, you'll be here to thank me." I want to have that kind of love when the ones like me are kicking and screaming and pushing me away and begging me to let them die, because that is what was done for me. After they're through the worst, I want to take their hands and say how proud I am of their progress, how glad I am that they're still here.  And they, in turn, can go and do the same for others. And in the end, with this kind of love, I think we can save the ones like us. 


     Now, for those of you who want a happy ending fit for a chick-flick: I have found a song that I want played at my wedding. I can't get married for 19 more years or I'll lose a long-standing bet, but when that time is up, they will be playing this song either for the first dance, or at the end of the ceremony when the fucking wedding party gets the fuck out of the church (provided The Mr. in question approves). 

Forever - Fireflight

Sometimes, I feel so cold
Like I'm waiting around all by myself
Loneliness gets so old
I'm in the lost and found sitting on the shelf
Been stuck for way too long
But I hear Your voice
You're who I'm counting on

Oh, tell me You're here
That You will watch over me forever
Oh, take hold of my heart
Show me You'll love me forever

I know that You can tell
When I start to let my hope fade away
I need to catch myself
Open my ears to hear You calling my name
Been fighting way too long
But I hear Your voice
You had me all along

When I'm starting to drown
You jump in to save me
When my world's upside down
Your hands, they shake me and wake me

Oh, tell me You're here
That You will watch over me forever
Oh, take hold of my heart
Show me You'll love me forever

Listen to that shit, people. It's fucking golden. 

Hang on, 
Ness