I Did It.

Today, I could not get out of bed.

I spent literally two hours trying to get up but I just couldn't do it. Here's the backstory. 

Last night, I had a moderately severe panic attack right before bed. I went right to sleep as soon as I could. I kept waking up in a cold sweat. This morning, I woke up scared and I could not, no matter how hard I tried, get my ass out of my bed. 
     It's been weeks since I've done that. I knew it would happen eventually, but I had kinda hoped that MAYBE it wouldn't. MAYBE I could just go from broken to fixed without all the fighting in between. Silly me. =] Anyway, after getting up, I was all different sorts of depressed. So I told myself to fucking knock it off and listened to some music and smoked a couple cigarettes, and believe it or not, I feel much better. 
     I guess this is how it's going to be: some days you gotta fight for your sanity. Some days, the mundane things that everybody else does with no fucking problem become a battle. But that's ok. I'll fight as hard as I have to. And one day, all this shit will be just as easy for me as it is for everybody else. I can do this shit. 

Hang on,
Ness